Tuesday, February 14, 2012

square foot gardens
 Dark, dreary and cold...the weather suits my mood and attitude to a tea. Even with ordering my garden supplies and planning this spring's planting.

The last year has been a roller coaster and usually that is my favorite ride but for right now I would love the ferris wheel so I can see off into the distance and see what is coming at me.I think the merry go round would remind me too much of my current recovery process.

Hubby's work was down, then up and then back down causing all sorts of financial issues.Lesson learned, saving the kids might mean drowning yourself.

I had my gallbladder removed. I've had digestion issues since birth only to figure out that 90% of them must have been tied to my gallbladder because they went completely AWAY.

My Mom had shingles with a lot of pain.

Then Dad had shingles with a lot of pain.

AND yes I went and got a shingles shot at the advice of my dad.

My step dad's mail order med company that he uses sent the wrong insulin and almost killed him. AND he was driving when the insulin kicked in and he hit several other cars before coming to a stop. Luckily no one else was hurt and his insurance covered it and the mail order company settled out of court.

Then my brother had surgery on his knee and if he doesn't continue the therapy for the rest of his life,he will lose the ability to walk.Having knee issues in your 60s is on the normal side but when you have a 12 yr old daughter, you need to keep things in good condition.

Then my cerebral palsy and fibromyalgia flared up together mimicking the symptoms of  MS and causing me to struggle to walk.So of to physical therapy that wasn't getting correcting the whole issue so I was sent to a surgeon to see if it was my knee ( both my dad and brother have knee issues)...nope, then they x-rayed my lower back, pelvic, hip and entire leg.Vertebra deformed in lumbar and unknown masses in the bladder area so a CT scan was scheduled to see if I had cancer.

I called my dad to tell him I was going for a CT scan to see if I had cancer only for him to tell me he was going in for hernia surgery.SO I kept my mouth shut about my own issues. He has recovered and changed his diet.Considering he has had throat cancer and is a survivor and has been a diabetic for over 20 yrs and has not taken more that 1 pill a day for it and most of that time 1/2 of a pill, walks 5 miles a day (even after knee surgery), rides an indoor bike, lifts weights and eat 3 balanced and healthy meals and over 35 g of fiber into his age of mid 80's...I didn't ask what he changed.He lectures enough on my eating habits and lack of exercise as it is.

I called my mom to tell her I was going in for a CT scan only for her to tell me before I told her my news that she had a mass and was going to have a CT scan to see if it was cancer.So I kept my mouth shut again.

I did tell my kids and asked that they not tell anyone else until we got mom's results and dad got thru surgery.

Yes, my dad, step dad and mom have ripped off my head for keeping my mouth shut when I did tell them.

Mom has multiple melanoma, she went in for radiation but no chemo of her own choice. Two months later she is in remission and not taking radiation. The last CT scan couldn't find any cancer. She will be taking meds for another 3 yrs.

During that time, step dad had to go on meds for his Alzheimer's caused by agent orange from when he was in Nam.

I went in for surgery to remove the masses from my bladder(no cancer) and to sling it. My doctor asked permission to fix anything he found needing repair while there. Works for me...and it really did work for me, first the shock he got was in the 6 weeks from finding the masses by x-ray to the CT scan the masses had went from the size of a pea to the size of a quarter so when surgery was 4 wks after that( I wasn't having surgery during the holidays) he figured it was going to be worse. They were GONE. Though he end up repairing my bowel while in there instead of making me go through another surgery(and more money spent).That surgery turned out a lot better than any of us planned.

Still, with a acknowledgement of the miracles that have came our way (several times a day) I struggle to recover my strength. Struggle to shake the depression and emptiness that is with in me.I read the Serenity Prayer (all verses) several times a day (okay, I taped in on the wall across from the throne) to keep myself focus that the hard times including my health are just part of the path not the whole path.

Prayers for you and yours, prayers for myself and mine.

Blessed Be Juls