Lessons learned with dealing with Daddy's house

Daddy usually smiles, if he isn't smiling something is wrong. Even the nursing home staff  has mentioned that if someone is down, Daddy will go visit them and then that person with start smiling along with him. Well he wouldn't have been smiling this weekend... he would have been kicking certain family members butts for the disrespect they showed by trashing his home to grab what they wanted instead of what they actually deserved especially since Daddy gave them money through the years as their inheritance when he wouldn't do that for Brother or me even after Brother confronted him about it. JUST and FYI, I gave paid off some of Mother's and stepfather's bills with my inheritance from them. I don't want the money. If they have something I would like I say something then, if I get it fine, if I don't fine.Since my brother is a hoarder... that's a different on how he looks at things.

Since Daddy has been in the nursing home over a year and we definitely know he isn't coming out  and I pushed for his house to be sold or at least rented out (Brother is paying the balance between what ins and Daddy's income covers) and put towards taking care of Daddy. Brother put word out he was going to sell the house, figured he would get a realtor and we had at least 30 days if not more because it's not in a great area, lots of poverty surrounds him since the factories closed down usually takes a year to get a house sold.

House sold in 24 hrs, Brother is going through Daddy's lawyer to make sure everything is at is should be and then came the news that closing would be in 10-14 days... We got the message on Wed. Sister in law and our schedules didn't mesh until Saturday and only for 2 1/2 hrs.

We walked into a nightmare... and she was overwhelmed as she had a wedding rehearsal as she is a preacher. AND there was mold and feather pillows that triggered her allergies in the house.. SO we agreed if she was willing to let us in, we could work without her BUT she had to walk through the house before and after before we left .  We were suppose to come back on MONDAY.

My brother made a bad decision (his words) over trusting another family member to get certain things that had been made for Daddy by their dad WITHOUT him being there which they did BUT they gave the key to another family member who wanted something that they had made for Daddy (it's what they said) Definitely ransacked the house and it was apparent they thought they would find cash hidden, something Daddy used to do but I can tell you we had already cut his "cash" flow off LONG before he went in the nursing home.Family member who gave the key was upset along with Brother who stressed out and I was more than willing to punch the person and they know it.

Brother got the call from the lawyer ON SATURDAY that the closing would be Tuesday.... SO Brother called us to come back on Sunday so if needed we could finish on Monday morning and he could get the trash out before Tuesday morning.

I packed a cooler with boiled eggs, sliced cheese, crackers and apples. Filled several water bottles and Hubby took a thermos of coffee. Brother looked like death warmed over, he has been sick with his allergies, other health issues and is going to be 70 and caught himself and got checked...he is in the very early stages of dementia that stress of changing jobs, his own moving, dealing with Daddy, and then the house (before it was trashed) of course  makes everything even worse and now dealing with a family member over trashing the house.

So Hubby and I  not only took what we wanted, we cleared it completely since we know he got everything he wanted out of the house. All the clothes was put in one area so Brother could haul it out easier. HEAVENS 52 underwear, 52 socks, 52 muscle tanks aka dress tee shirts,52 short sleeve button down shirts, 52 long sleeve flannel shirts, 52 long sleeve dress shirts, 52 sports jackets, 52 dress pants, 52 pairs of jeans, 52 ties, and 52 suits along with 24 pairs of shoes and 14 pairs of slippers.Brother is hauling all of it to a ministry that helps those that can't afford clothes or needs "work" clothes for an office job. We bagged 95% of the trash and put it in one area also. Garage wasn't done as well, there is nothing left but trash but it's hazard trash,such as fuel and oil and paint.

SO on top of dealing with the mess. I had to accept that things Daddy had wanted to be passed down where beyond keeping. Hubby picked up a bed frame that was to go and it to fall apart where it had rotted in his hands. Dishes were chipped so bad I would have been afraid to use them. He was using 1 plate,1 bowl and 1 cup...those were in good condition. When family came in he used paper plates so it wasn't caught.Heart breaking that he didn't use things himself and wanted to pass it on, but didn't do so while they were still of use.

So lesson's learned... check furniture including the areas you don't normally see until you take the bed apart, bottom of dressers, drapes, and mattresses . IF you are in charge of someone that goes in a nursing home,check for dirty dishes in the oven (hum... yes, I found them), have someone not only mow the yard but clean the house and don't throw newspaper in the door and toss junk mail around (Brother's butt now kicked by me) instead of throwing in trash.Better yet CANCEL newspaper and save the money. Everyone in the neighborhood knew he was in the nursing home. 

We tallied what we are now dealing with...

 5 boxes I have held from my late husband that his only child did not have room for. She agreed to find room by this summer as I want them out of here.

40 boxes from a daughter who said the boxes were ours from the old homestead and not hers only for me to find out when I started working on them they were ALL hers or her sons. I've talk directly to the sons since 2 are adults and the other 2 soon to be about if they want this stuff or not.One is planning on coming up this summer and going through it.

12 boxes that were from Mother's estate and that Pop gave us at that time since he knew he was going into the nursing home. He passed a couple years after Mother.

From Daddy's 12 boxes and couch (Daughter 4), 2 stands(Son 2) 2 dressers , 2 bureaus, 1 bed frame and mattress/box spring and 1 cabinet and 1 metalwork bench... the cabinet and workbench goes to Son 2. He tried to buy it from Daddy but he said he was still using it 3 yrs ago. The rest of the kids had gotten some things through the years and wasn't interested in anything that was left. Daughter 4 said anything we want to get rid of to bring to her. She now has a list of 10 families that are searching for stuff for their homes.

I was down to 40 boxes of our stuff and half is either fabric or yard.

AND REALLY all I want to do is have less rain so I can plant the gardens

Thanks for listening LOL

Blessed Be